In a previous post we discussed the complexities of trauma processing and how different therapeutic approaches address it. Similarly, attachment wounds can present their own set of challenges in therapy.

Modern attachment theory reveals that our earliest relationships, especially those with primary caregivers, lay the foundation for how we bond and relate to others throughout life. While talk therapy can offer insights into these relationships and bring relief by allowing individuals to articulate their experiences, attachment wounds tend to operate on a deeper, emotional level—far beyond the neocortex’s reach.

So, where do attachment wounds come from? 

Just like trauma, attachment issues are deeply rooted in early brain development. As infants, we are hardwired for connection. These external connections with caregivers end up becoming internalized blueprints for what to expect in relationships. Secure attachment-strengthening behaviors include singing to a baby, making loving eye contact with the infant as they nurse, providing skin to skin contact, etc. As the child gets older, the need for a safe base continues and caregivers may foster this by using the same attuned, loving presence, but combine it with boundaries and reasonable expectations, as well as assisting in giving language to feelings (“It sounds like you're feeling very hurt right now.”). These experiences of security become wired in the brain.

When those connections are disrupted—whether through neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or traumatic experiences—the brain adapts to protect us. These adaptations can lead to insecure attachment patterns, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles, which affect how we relate to others and perceive ourselves in relationships.

Attachment wounds don’t just “live” in our thoughts but rather in our emotional and bodily experiences. They are stored within the same subcortical regions of the brain responsible for emotion, memory, and survival responses. When attachment wounds are triggered—by rejection, abandonment, or emotional unavailability—the brain responds as though the original wound is happening again, creating emotional flooding, anxiety, and even physical symptoms.

Wiring the Brain

During critical periods of brain development, the neural pathways that connect emotional responses to memories, sensory experiences, and survival mechanisms are formed. If an infant experiences inconsistent or unsafe caregiving, the brain wires together feelings of fear, shame, or anxiety with the absence of emotional attunement. For example, a child may reach out for comfort and, instead of receiving warmth, is met with emotional neglect. The brain then wires these moments together, associating the need for connection with danger or disappointment.

As a result, in adulthood, individuals may find themselves feeling anxious or avoidant in relationships, reacting to present-day situations as if they are still in the early, painful moments of unmet needs.

Therapy for attachment wounds

Attachment-focused therapies, such as Brainspotting, EMDR, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), help to untangle these deeply wired connections. These methods work with the emotional and subcortical layers of the brain, helping clients process and rewire the brain’s attachment pathways. By addressing these wounds on a somatic and emotional level, individuals can experience more secure, balanced relationships, both with others and with themselves.

In Part 2, we’ll explore further how these therapies work to heal attachment wounds, and what the journey to secure attachment might look like in practice.