In our last post, we discussed the presentation of insecure attachment styles and how those become wired in the developing brain. If you’ve been carrying the weight of attachment wounds—feeling anxious, avoidant, or disconnected in relationships—you might be wondering what repair really looks like. How can these deep wounds begin to heal? What will that process look and feel like for you?

The truth is, healing attachment isn’t just about talking through your experiences, though that’s part of it. It’s about accessing the deeper layers of your emotional world and rewiring the old patterns that no longer serve you. Let’s talk about what that journey might look like in therapy, and how you can move toward secure attachment.

The First Step: Awareness

The process often begins with awareness. We’ll work together to understand your unique attachment style—whether it’s anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—and how it plays out in your life. You might notice patterns where you feel overly dependent on others or, on the flip side, that you push people away to avoid getting hurt. Recognizing these patterns is a powerful first step.

But awareness alone doesn’t create change. That’s where the deeper work comes in.

Reprocessing Old Wounds

When we start therapy, we’re not just talking about the past; we’re working to change how your brain responds to relationships in the here and now. The goal is to help you process those early wounds on a deeper, emotional level. This often involves methods like Brainspotting, EMDR, or Internal Family Systems (IFS). Let’s break down how these approaches help.

Brainspotting:

With Brainspotting, I’ll help you access specific points in your visual field that correspond to where your brain holds onto emotional pain. It’s like finding a doorway into the part of your brain where these attachment wounds are stored. By gently guiding you through these moments, we begin to reprocess and release the pain, allowing your brain to rewire how it responds to connection and relationships. You might feel an emotional shift during a session, but the real transformation happens as those old patterns start to dissolve over time.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): 

With EMDR, we use bilateral stimulation (like eye movements) to help your brain reprocess memories that have been stuck. Maybe you were neglected as a child, or perhaps a parent was emotionally unavailable. These experiences get locked in, and your brain continues to react as if you’re still in those moments. EMDR helps your brain make new connections, so that you can begin to feel safe and secure in relationships, without the past holding you back.

Internal Family Systems (IFS):

In IFS, we look at the different “parts” of yourself that have been wounded by early attachment failures. Maybe there’s a part of you that always feels abandoned or a part that keeps you distant to avoid being hurt. In therapy, we’ll work to connect with your core “Self”—the compassionate, grounded part of you that can begin to heal these wounded parts. As those parts feel heard and cared for, you’ll notice changes in how you respond to others and how you care for yourself.

The Journey Toward Secure Attachment

The idea of “secure attachment” might feel foreign or even unreachable right now. But in therapy, we’ll work to create a sense of security, first in the therapeutic relationship and then in your life outside of therapy.

This isn’t an overnight process, but with time, you’ll start to notice changes. You might feel less triggered by rejection or less afraid to open up to others. You’ll find that expressing your needs in a relationship doesn’t feel as terrifying, and instead of automatically shutting down or clinging to someone for fear of abandonment, you’ll begin to feel comfortable with closeness and trust.

Building New Experiences

Therapy isn’t just about understanding what went wrong; it’s about creating new experiences that help your brain rewire. Each time you take a risk in a relationship—whether that’s letting yourself be vulnerable or setting boundaries—you’re helping to build new pathways in your brain. Over time, those old patterns of insecurity will weaken, and new, healthier patterns will take their place.

As you practice these new ways of relating, both in therapy and in your everyday life, you’ll start to embody what secure attachment feels like. You’ll notice that you can trust others without losing yourself. You’ll feel safer in your relationships and more connected to those around you.

What to Expect Along the Way

Healing attachment wounds is a journey, and like any journey, it has its ups and downs. There will be moments where you feel raw, emotional, and maybe even unsure of the process. That’s okay. It’s part of the work. We’ll move at a pace that feels right for you, ensuring that you always feel supported.

Over time, you’ll experience shifts in your relationships, not just with others but with yourself. You’ll learn to listen to your own needs, set healthy boundaries, and engage with others in a way that feels authentic and safe.

Conclusion: Stepping into Secure Attachment

Healing from attachment wounds is a powerful transformation. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to look at the deeper layers of your emotional life. But with each step, you’re moving toward secure attachment—a place where you feel more confident, connected, and at peace in your relationships.

As you continue this journey in therapy, know that healing is not only possible, but it’s within your reach. Together, we’ll work to repair those early wounds, so you can build relationships that feel safe, fulfilling, and full of love. If growing into a healthier, happier, and more secure relationship pattern appeals to you, reach out to our therapists at Creative Solutions Therapy and Coaching Collective; we can walk this journey together.